A moot question, we all need to answer. Is marriage the be all and end all of everything? If you are not married, you are not settled. Isn’t this that we all have heard, either being addressed to us or to someone we know
I have been married for the last four years and am absolutely enjoying the marital bliss in every form. I was 36 when I got married, and my husband in his early 40’s.
Did we not want to marry, of-course we did but for the right reasons, and not because the society had decided that I the girl is 23 and the guy is 28 so get married. Not that I have any statistical measure to substantiate these dates. It’s simple once you have completed your education, as a girl you are expected to be ready for marriage and for a boy after may be 5 to 7 years of working you should ideally get married. The word is “Ideally”
It doesn’t matter who you are , which community you come from, one is expected to follow an assembly line , study, work and get married, if it doesn’t happen like that, you see a sorry expression on peoples face , as if it’s a crime that one has committed , by not marrying at the so called right age.
Who decides this right age? Our parents, Society or in case of girls her biological clock. Biological clock, well I am sure most of us know, that a girl is the most fertile between the age of 20 to 24, so ideally one should get married before 20 so you can have kids in your most fertile period. That further brings me to another aspect of marriage, is marriage all about having children, do we marry only for procreation, well its’ just one aspect of marriage. In good old days, it was said if your marriage isn’t working, have a child, so it helps build your relationship? Huh, really, someone please tell these people, marriage makes you parents and takes you away from just being a couple. What the child does Is, bring a sense of responsibility and in some case guilt too.
I am not against marriage at all, after all I also married and I have a very successful and happy marriage. What keeps our marriage alive, even though we are two different individuals, with different energy levels, temperaments and interests.
My marriage Success Mantra
- Three C’s , which is communication, communication and communication.
- Partners, yet we appreciate our individuality
- Follow an open architect, give space and get space
- Couple time and Me time
- Respect each other’s families as we would respect our own
- Division of work, most important if both are working
- Encourage and appreciate each other
- Its not my way or the high way, its Our way
- Equality in the relationship
Our mantras are very simple and most would be following it, but many times, we forget and it causes the drift, so if the drift does come, follow the very first mantra. THREE C’s. that’s the essence of the marriage and the C which we have been taught and conveyed from the beginning. Compromise kar lo.
Compromise is not what is required in a marriage, what is required is acceptance, adaptability and above all keep the line of communication open.
While these are mantras for a successful marriage, we also need to know why we are marrying
Marry for the right reasons, and not because the society is pressurising you.
My reasons to marry were
- I wanted to, not because my parents wanted me to, hence I married when I was ready
- The day I felt I am matured to handle a relationship with an individual, with whom you would follow the above mantras
- I was willing to be a part of a symbiotic relationship, where adaptability, acceptance and communication comes naturally.
- I was willing to share my space with someone.
- I found a life long friend and not a typical conventional husband
So think before you take the leap, as this leap, you would love it if its for the right reason and the person else, you would wait to exit sooner than you got into it.
Happy Marriage to all who are married and who want to get married .
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Akta, is a management graduate with specialization in Marketing & Finance from Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies. Over 17 years of corporate experience in the field of Wealth Management & Advising clients across industries. Akta Sehgal is the Manas behind Manas Management Advisors.