This Mother’s letter on her friend’s Godh Bharai is a must read for all the new mothers

Dear friend,

Congratulations!!! I simply can’t express how happy I am for you. This time around you are the chosen one by God to experience bringing someone to this world and nurturing her. I am sure you are absolutely delighted and excited to start this beautiful journey of motherhood.

Yes, I know, right now you are not just happy and excited but there are other emotions like fear, anxiety and self doubt that are playing kho kho and kabbadi in your mind. Although I strongly believe that every mother – child duo is different with different circumstances than others and that everyone has to tread this path of motherhood on own and no one else’s experiences can be replicated in other’s case, still I thought that it would help to know that you are not alone in this journey and there have been others who have experienced similar feelings in similar situations.

While many of your friends would shower you with their blessings and useful gifts on this auspicious occasion of initiation of seventh month of your pregnancy, I thought of gifting you with some important life lessons that I have learnt during the course of my journey of motherhood.

1. Close your ears for people who are always judgemental: This is the most important thing you can do for yourself just as a human being but more importantly as a mother. Whether you want it or not you will invariably come across few people who think it’s their moral duty to judge others, especially new mothers. So just shut your ears and take your own call, more so on these two most crucial decisions:

A. Mode of Delivery: Dear friend, it’s your pregnancy – mode of delivery is your choice. Whether you decide to go for natural birth or C- section, the decision has to be yours. It’s your body and no one has any claim upon it. How you want to deliver your baby has to be solely a decision of yours taken in consultation with your gynaecologist.

B. SAHM or Working Mother – Once again just like method of delivery, the decision of till when you want to work, when you want to get back to work, whether you want to be Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) or Working mother post delivery – all this again has to be your decision.

As I said earlier, we are all separate individuals with different circumstances. No two people have same circumstances or for that matter same nature. It may not be in my nature to give away the responsibility of my child to someone else and I need to respect that. Or on other hand it may be my nature that I want to work and not stay back home. In any case it’s individual’s nature and belief and one needs to accept it and respect it.

Natural or C- section, we finally bring a human being in this Universe and that’s what is more important and whether by staying at home or not, we all mothers nurture that little one with all the love we have. So make your own decisions ( right or wrong no one can tell today) and own them.

2. Remember life would never be the same – Don’t get scared. I only said that life won’t be the same but not that it won’t be beautiful. After all what’s the life which is stagnant and has no variations / changes. Initially for few years you may not be able to watch a movie in peace or enjoy dinner without interruption at your favourite restaurant or go for those romantic or adventurous vacations for some time. But relax.. don’t get overwhelmed. Simply remind yourself that just like pre motherhood era didn’t last forever, even this wont be same always. Nothing is permanent. Soon these little munchkins would grow up and you will start enjoying not just movies alone but also those children movies which you still love to watch.

3. Enjoy being a baby with your baby – As an adult, we many a times forget to enjoy small things like making those funny faces and sounds, crawling and hiding under the table, running behind a butterfly, watching those small marching ants or making bubbles in the water or making those sounds with pans, pots and spoons. While your baby is small, just enjoy all these lovely moments with your kid. These won’t last forever and they will grow up and you will again miss on all these super fun activities. So simply enjoy and make memories of these simple pleasures till it’s possible.

4. You are perfect and most beautiful in her eyes – Have you heard that story of a child who gets lost and when someone asks her to describe her mother she says “My mother is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen”. The good hearted man who decides to help the child find her mother, takes him to all the beautiful ladies in the town only to find that the child’s mother was actually a simple looking normal lady. But in the eyes of her child she was indeed the most beautiful woman as she is the one who is nurturing her with selfless love. So just stop worrying about your looks and those extra kgs that you may have temporarily put on, at once. You are beautiful to those who love you and am sure opinions of others will not matter.

5. All days won’t be same – My dear friend, now that you would be taking care of a sweet little one who depends mostly on you for all her needs, life sometimes would be overwhelming for you. But on such days when everything feels like falling apart, simply sit back and take a deep breath and remind yourself that tomorrow will be a new day and a new beginning. Yes, you may loose your temper and control on some days and you may feel like shouting at top of your voice or running away from the entire mess in front of you. On such days, don’t be harsh on yourself. You will be doing a fabulous job and considering those sleepless nights that you will be experiencing , it would be just Human to loose control on some days.

6. Say ‘I Love You’ more often – These three words really have magical powers. Try saying these words more frequently to all those whom you really love especially to your partner and your new born. Trust me this will increase the bonding amongst you three instantly. The more you will say these, the more they will come back to you and give you the assurance that you are doing a great job.

7. Ask for help and accept help – In this era of nuclear families and independent women, we feel asking for help would mean that we are not strong and capable enough. But you know what my dear, on the contrary only strong and confident people are capable of asking for and accepting help. People with self doubt chicken out from asking help. don’t shy.. don’t chicken out. Accept help and even ask for some whenever you need. Don’t get offended if a person is not able to bail you out on a particular day. You must have heard the phrase “ it takes a village to raise a child”. Let your husband, your family and friends help you in taking care of that sweet little munchkin every now and then.

8. Coffee breaks – Any relationship to flourish needs some space and the same is applicable to mother – child as well. I know your heart may not agree but do take those small occasional breaks from your child. You need to spend some time with yourself, with your husband, with your friends. Remember “Happy mother makes a happy child”. So ensure you indulge in something or other which makes you happy so that when you go back to your child you are happy and recharged to pass on that energy to her.

9. Take care of yourself – Be prepared there would be sleepless nights, there would be no time to breath, forget taking care of yourself. But keep this on top priority of your list. Eat well, exercise (will share tips on how you can exercise while playing with your child), take massages to heal your body, take those naps whenever possible. And yes for all this as I said earlier, do seek help.

10. Listen to your heart – This is most important my friend. You will be now new mother and you will find almost everyone having some or other piece of advice for you about how to raise your child. Do listen patiently to everyone. As I said earlier, decisions will have to be made by you following your heart. And be brave to accept those decisions.

God has chosen you my friend and that means he has already made you strong enough to handle this so simply have trust and confidence on yourself. You will rock my dear. You would be a great Mom. All the Best dear.

Enjoy this journey of motherhood and remember you are special.

Your friend who is also enjoying this journey,

Manjula